Hello, Shining Stars!
Today, I want to speak from the heart about
something many daughters and sisters silently experience, but rarely express:
the feeling of being invisible within their own families. This reflection is
not just about me, but about many girls who grow up with love, laughter, and
bonding, only to later feel like they no longer belong.
The
Illusion of Belonging
Growing up, a daughter is often treated with
love and care. She plays around the house, shares dreams with her parents,
supports her siblings, and builds deep emotional connections. But somewhere
along the way, society plants a silent expectation: that the daughter will
eventually leave.
This expectation doesn’t sound harmful at
first. After all, marriage is a part of life. But what makes it hurtful is how this
belief starts shaping the way daughters are treated – as temporary, as guests
in their own homes. The label of "parayi" (outsider) becomes a part
of their identity even before they leave.
A Shift in
Priorities
One of the most painful realities many girls
face is how drastically family priorities change after a brother gets married.
Suddenly, the daughter-in-law becomes the center of attention – and she should,
because she has entered a new environment and needs love and support. But what
about the daughter who has been there all along?
The mother, once so connected to her daughter,
may now prioritize her daughter-in-law. Not out of cruelty, but out of a belief
that her daughter is temporary, while the daughter-in-law is the permanent
member of the family. The daughter, once deeply involved in every family
celebration, decision, and emotion, now feels pushed aside.
The Silent
Pain of Sisters
Sisters often grow up being the emotional
backbone for their brothers. From childhood games to sharing secrets and supporting
each other in tough times – a sister does it all. But once the brother gets
married, the equation changes.
Some brothers say things like, "My wife
is my priority," and while it is right for a husband to respect and love
his wife, it hurts when that statement also implies that his sister no longer
matters. There is a way to love your wife without making your sister feel like
a stranger.
Rarely do we hear brothers say, "My wife,
my mother, and my sister all hold different, beautiful places in my life."
Instead, what we hear and feel is absence. A distancing that happens without
any fight, without any explanation. Just silence.
The
Daughter’s Role: Conditional or Real?
A daughter is born just like a son. A mother
goes through the same pain, the same sacrifices. But somewhere down the line,
the son becomes the family's pride, while the daughter becomes a responsibility
that has to be "settled."
She is taught to be strong, to adjust, to stay
silent, to smile even when she is hurting. And when she speaks up about the
unfairness, she is told she is overreacting or being emotional. The burden of
keeping the peace often falls on her shoulders, even when she is the one in
pain.
When she is hurt, people don’t ask her what’s
wrong. Instead, they ask her to remain quiet. When she feels excluded, they
don’t change their behavior – they ask her to adjust. And when she finally
decides to leave through marriage, they call it a relief, as if her presence
was a burden.
The
Daughter-in-Law vs. The Daughter
Let me be clear: daughters-in-law are not the
problem. They, too, leave behind everything to start a new life. They deserve
respect, love, and care. But problems arise when their arrival causes others to
be pushed aside.
A healthy family is one where love multiplies,
not one where it gets redistributed unfairly. A daughter-in-law shouldn’t
replace a daughter. A sister shouldn’t be seen as less important than a wife.
Each person has their own place and purpose in a family. We must learn to honor
them all.
My Promise
to Myself
I don’t know what kind of wife or
daughter-in-law I will become, but I know one thing with certainty: I will
never let another daughter or sister feel invisible in my home.
Because I know how it feels. I’ve seen the
shift in eyes, in tone, in affection. I’ve felt the sting of being left out of
decisions I once helped make. I’ve heard the whispers and the taunts. I’ve
lived the silence.
And I promise that if I ever have the power to
make someone feel seen, heard, and valued – I will.
The Quiet
Rejection After Marriage
After a brother's marriage, things change. Not
just practically, but emotionally. Suddenly, comparisons begin. The new bride
is praised; the sister is scrutinized. Little things become big issues. Her
voice is seen as disrespectful. Her presence, a disturbance.
And then comes the emotional wound: being
told, in direct or subtle ways, "This is not your house anymore."
How heartbreaking is it for a girl to be
raised in a home, to give her everything to it, and then be told she no longer
belongs? That she is "parayi"? That her worth lies in how quickly she
can adjust, leave, or stay quiet?
The
Unspoken Prayer
To Allah, I pray for only two things: patience
and strength.
Patience to handle the hurt that comes my way
silently. Strength to keep my dignity intact even when I am ignored or
belittled. I do not want to complain. I only ask for the grace to respond with
kindness.
And yes, I want to leave this house soon. Not
because I hate it, but because it hurts to stay where you feel like an
obligation instead of a blessing. Maybe after I marry and leave, people will
feel they have done their duty. Maybe the taunts will stop. Maybe no one will
make me feel like an outsider anymore.
But I also know this: the home I go to might
bring new challenges. I am not expecting perfection. I only ask Allah for more
strength and more sabr.
Final
Thoughts: To Every Daughter and Sister Out There
If you are reading this and feeling the same
way, please know that you are not alone. Your pain is real. Your
emotions are valid. You matter, even if the people around you fail to see it.
Never forget your worth. You are not
invisible. You are not replaceable. You are love, strength, grace, and power.
And one day, when you have your own home or family, remember how this felt –
and promise yourself that you will be the change.
We can't change everyone, but we can change
ourselves. Let’s become the daughters, sisters, and one day mothers-in-law who
make sure no one ever feels unseen, unheard, or unloved.